Saturday, October 23, 2010

Lawyers run for office...

A truck driver amused himself by running over lawyers as they walked down the side of the road. Every time he saw a lawyer walking along the road, he would swerve to hit him. There would be a loud 'thud' and then he would swerve back on the road.

As the truck driver drove along one day, he saw a priest hitch hiking, he pulled over and asked the priest, "Where are you going, Father?" The priest said he was on his way to his church up the road. "I'll give you a lift." The priest climbed into the passenger seat and the truck driver continued down the road.

Suddenly, the truck driver saw a lawyer walking down the road and instinctively swerved to hit him. At the last minute, he remembered he had a priest in the truck and swerved back onto the road. Even though he knew he missed the lawyer, he still heard a loud 'thud'.

Unsure of where the noise came from, he glanced in his mirrors. When he didn't see anything, he turned to the priest and said, "I'm sorry, Father. I almost hit a lawyer."

The priest replied, "That's OK, I got him with the door."



Saturday, July 10, 2010

The day I died...

It got crowded in heaven so for one day it was decided only to accept people who had really had a bad day on the day they died. St. Peter was standing at the pearly gates and said to the first man, "Tell me about the day you died."

The man said, "Oh, it was awful. I was sure my wife was having an affair, so I came home early to catch her with him. I searched all over the apartment but couldn't find him anywhere. So I went out onto the balcony, we live on the 25th floor, and found this man hanging over the edge by his fingertips. I went inside, got a hammer, and started hitting his hands. He fell, but landed in some bushes. So, I got the refrigerator and pushed it over the balcony and it crushed him. The strain of the act gave me a heart attack, and I died."

St. Peter couldn't deny that this was a pretty bad day, and since it was a crime of passion, he let the man in.

He then asked the next man in line about the day he died. "Well, sir, it was awful," said the second man. "I was doing aerobics on the balcony of my 26th floor apartment when I twisted my ankle and slipped over the edge. I managed to grab the balcony of the apartment below, but some maniac came out and started pounding on my fingers with a hammer. Luckily I landed in some bushes. But, then the guy dropped a refrigerator on me!"

St. Peter chuckled, let him into heaven and decided he could really start to enjoy this job.

"Tell me about the day you died?" he said to the third man in line. "Okay picture this - I'm naked, hiding inside a refrigerator..."

Sunday, July 4, 2010

Dad's Car...

A teenage boy had just passed his driving test and inquired of his father as to when they could discuss his use of the car. His father said he'd make a deal with his son: "You bring your grades up from a C to a B average, study your Bible a little, and get your hair cut. Then we'll talk about the car." The boy thought about that for a moment, decided he'd settle for the offer, and they agreed on it.

After about six weeks his father said, "Son, you've brought your grades up and I've observed that you have been studying your Bible, but I'm disappointed you haven't had your hair cut. The boy said, "You know, Dad, I've been thinking about that, and I've noticed in my studies of the Bible that Samson had long hair, John the Baptist had long hair, Moses had long hair... and there's even strong evidence that Jesus had long hair."

To this his father replied, "Did you also notice they walked everywhere they went?"

As a dad with grown sons, I LOVE this one. :D

Saturday, June 26, 2010

Till it hurts...

In the sleepy village of Erbum,
in the town of Tillet, Hertfordshire

lives a lady by the name Linda Lykes

She owns the local pub called The Cock Inn.

Her mail is addressed:

Linda Lykes
The Cock Inn
Tillet, Herts.

Saturday, May 1, 2010

Strawberries suck

I Mean it, they really do. Just try hauling them.

Ok I know some of you have, that only means you know what I'm talking about.

These things are one of the most fragile things you can put on a truck, the temp has to be maintained at a PERFECT setting, around 35 degrees constant. The unit better be a new one or damn close and ONLY air ride trailers can be used. (the trailer I'm under right now is NEW, brand NEW) The longer they are in the truck, the better the chance you have of loosing them or having them rejected by your customer. I've determined by a VERY scientific method (Chicken bones and Tarot Cards) that you have about a 50/50 chance with any load of berries that it will be rejected.

I protested this load the second I inspected the first couple of pallets. I protested it to the shipper and my company. The problem? The berries were PERFECT. I mean get the whipping cream and some short cakes PERFECT. You don't want perfect berries at the shipper, you want slightly green berries, the longer the trip the greener the berry. For long trips you want berries "bagged and gassed" (Each pallet encased in a large baggie and filled with an inert gas, like argon) I still wont give you better than 50/50 of getting the entire load off without a problem.

WalMart determined that of 2870 cases, (22960 1 Pint boxes), 2750 of them were at a decay level of 1%... Can someone tell me how the HELL you determine a 1% decay level?? I've been around produce most of my life, citrus and other products were part of the family business for years. I've hauled produce for at least half of my trucking career of 21 (and counting, slowly...) years. When I'm not pulling over sized loads, I move produce and temp control loads. I know this job. I've seen USDA inspectors tear through a whole load of produce and I have never been told "these have a 1% decay level".


Sigh... anyway, stuck with 2750 Cases (25 pallets) of berries for the moment, have a new destination but no appointment or unload data.

Hope I don't have to eat these things... well, no more than a pint or so...

Friday, April 30, 2010

The Vacuum of Liberalism

Is all in their heads...

Its funny how fast I can get in trouble and get called names, especially if I'm trying. ;-)

By the way, this political blather is here because it directly involves truckers.

As most know I'm pretty active on Twitter, have a lot of friends there and almost as many enemies. I make no efforts to gain ether, they just show up. I have a rule though, I will rarely tolerate a liberal and will NOT tolerate a troll. I just block them and move on. My numbers on twitter are true and honest, I've never used a follow program to inflate my numbers. I really pay little attention to them. If everyone dropped me today I would just tweet to the spammers. (Few of my numbers are spammers, I block them too)

That said, we move on to the issue at hand. Illegal Immigration and the new laws in Arizona. I'm a firm supporter of the new law just because SOMETHING had to be done. We AZ taxpayers are out BILLIONS of dollars paid out to support an illegal population. Schools take a major hit and AZ schools are NOT the top of the heap to begin with. Law enforcement is taxed to the limit and health care is out of control. County and State programs are tapped out and they keep coming.

Enter the trolls;
I talk to a lot of drivers on Twitter, but they make up a small percentage of my "group". There was one, a woman driving husband wife team for Swift transport out Phoenix. Always pretty quiet, asking a few solid professional questions of older drivers and a few firearms related questions of me, (CCW mostly) though I'm no expert on the laws. Recently I noted that she had found a group to play with, all liberals, all trolls. Most of these people I had blocked at some point over the last year or so. Since the passing and signing of the immigration laws her tweets and retweets turned hateful and spiteful, all focused on the "injustice" of a legal move by the state of AZ. She doesn't live in AZ, its not her problem, but others want her involvement.

Then the boycott bullshit started showing up. She was pushing a list of AZ companies to boycott and insisted she was dedicated to the boycott. I decided to block her but being in a nasty mood yesterday I decided on some fun first and a little "point making". Remember who I said she worked for? Swift, based and founded in Phoenix AZ. The most logical question was?

Have you quit your job yet?

The answer is of course, "NO, why should I?" Because if you are committed to this childish boycott idea, you MUST. Otherwise you're just one more hypocrite on the left. Hours of screwing with her produced the same kind answer to the same question. One of her answers, that I suspect was "fed" to her at some point, I'm certain, was right out of Alinski's "Rules for Radicals" To her credit it took her until after midnight last night to call me a name. Being called a name was the first thing I had on my list of goals. I assure you her friends STARTED by calling me a name or ten. Some of the worst trash in trucks came to her aide, but as they are all blocked, I can't see it and I'm not interested enough to go look, but I could tell she was being prompted, at least some.

By the way, that list of companies to boycott that she was pushing? Swift isn't on it. She claimed she would not spend a dime of money in AZ or on a product from AZ, all without have an idea of what she was saying. Example: TRW is an AZ company... Does your car have air bags? Boycott that... Not a clue... However my point was clear, The money she sends into AZ, far out weighs the money Swift gives her in her weekly Easter basket. She didn't get it. No commitment to her own "cause". Hypocrite

This evening, another driver from NC, that I don't even know, (we don't follow each other) ask her the same question. He was immediately attacked by the Twittering Twucker Twat and some little half man calling himself Dr. Dodo or redo or something. (TTT is a socialist that wants a handout that will get her OUT of a truck and out of an honest job, wants to speak for truckers, and be famous, all with 2 years experience in a 3rd rate training company. Dodo is just an idiot that does anything she tells him to.)

The answer? The same, she wont boycott her own company. It wouldn't be convenient I suppose. It showed her commitment to her "cause", and as I determined, it shows she's just one more liberal hypocrite.

I blocked her when I got tired of her. That was my intention from the start as I told a couple of people I ask to watch the fun.

If you have a "cause", even one as stupid and impossible as a boycott of AZ, at least be grown up enough to follow it though.

Half Measures by Half Ass politicians are what got us here to begin with.

Was I an asshole and a bully for treating her like that?
Yeah, I admit it, I was, and I'm fucking proud of it. She wants to run with the big dogs but she never will because she can't loose her wing men.

Big Dogs are solo artists.

Liberalism is a disease that needs to be stomped on where ever you find it. You really don't have to justify THAT.

What you have just read is an opinion, mine. You don't have to like it and there are some that I hope HATES it.

Tuesday, April 27, 2010

The Parking Ticket

An online friend sent me this and I just had to share it.

Thanks Michael!

Working people frequently ask retired people what they do to make their days interesting. Well, for example, the other day my wife and I went into town and went into a shop. We were only in there for about 5 minutes. When we came out, there was a cop writing out a parking ticket. We went up to him and said, "Come on man, how about giving a senior citizen a break?"

He ignored us and continued writing the ticket. I called him a Nazi turd. He glared at me and started writing another ticket for having worn tires. So my wife called him a sh...head. He finished the second ticket and put it on the windshield with the first. Then he started writing a third ticket. This went on for about 20 minutes. The more we abused him, the more tickets he wrote... Personally, we didn't care. We came into town by bus and saw the car had an Obama sticker...

We try to have a little fun each day now that we're retired..

It's important at our age.


Monday, April 5, 2010

Ever Been Here?

I grew up in the construction industry and made pretty good money at it. I reached a pretty high level in the Phoenix area, was an "in demand" lead for multi million dollar custom homes and few would turn me away as a forman on larger projects like simi-custom to tract home and condos. I was also a damn fine problem solver and could find solutions to almost anything that didn't require tearing it down and starting over. (and I saw a few like that)

I've was a farm kid as well, spent a lot on time on tractors, trucks or various sorts and have an knack for most "machines"

The housing crash in the late 80s put me in a truck full time. I went from an "in demand" electrician, working at the top of my field to working for a placement agency a few hours a week, for half the money. I just made the leap and went to work moving rock. When the highway projects in AZ ran out, I went to long haul.

In 2000 I had had enough, I surpassed 1 million miles in my first 12 years and could hardly stand the looks a truck.

5 years in the computer and service support industry put me right back in a truck. I just can't work that close to people, day after day.

I had a great local job in the Phoenix area, end dump, transfers, supers. Did some lowboy, dovetail and RGN work as well. The type matters little to me. (Knack for machines)

Then came the housing crash, the big one. Sub-Prim lending, selling houses to people that can't make rent down at the local flop house. Greedy land developers overbuilt Phoenix and surrounding areas to the breaking point. There are now more repossessed homes in Phoenix than new ones. Phoenix offers a $15k tax credit to someone, anyone, that will buy one of these places. Places that were pricing at $450K suddenly were going for $130K.

Back in a truck full time.

Now just a few years later, with my parents in failing health and no other members of my family able to or qualified to care for them, I find that I'm going to have to leave the OTR business again.

Helen and I rode around the country together, we only went trucking again because we were able to leave the kids to their own devices. Our "baby" is 6'2" and in his twenties. Our own health issues and the murderous cost of "health care" cost us a house and pretty much everything else. We had nothing to lose in trucking together. I drove, she did paperwork and took pictures of almost everything in the country.

Helen has training and a background as a care giver. She has had to leave the truck several times to deal with family issues. My grand daughter in late 09, now my mom after a long battle with breast cancer is having major issues with blood pressure and 2 4mm aneurysms were found in her brain. Helen is out of the truck permanently, or until the obvious result is reached.

So I get to find a way to disconnect from the industry again. Anyone thinking this is an easy process has never thought it through. I have to move from a earning position with one company to an earning position with another and I have to manage it with out loosing what little we have left to us.

Man, being a responsible adult sucks.

Sunday, April 4, 2010

Easter still sux

For the first time in three years I have something to do on Easter and it has only cost me a couple of hundred dollars instead of the usual several hundred.

Easter still sux, so it's canceled.

Try to have a good day anyway.


-posted on the run using BlogPress and an iPhone.
Saturday, April 3, 2010

Chrome won't get you home.

The Tractor? Mid 2K W900L, lots of Chrome and Lights.
The Trailer? Beautiful Stainless Side, Spread Axle 50 Footer.

The Tires? Massive Super Singles... Bald as hell.

The Tractor and Trailer are MAXED, I mean MAXED. Chrome, all Aluminum polished to where it looks like chrome, the Stainless trailer is spotless.

The Aluminum bottom rail is even polished.

There are at least 100 lights, all LED on this rig.

My point?

There is no money spared on the way this rig "looks", ie... there is no money spared on salving this drivers EGO.

Blow that picture up and look at that tire. Its bald, not only bald, it's illegal by DOT standards and it was the best of the 4 trailer tires.

The tires on the Tractor were still legal, but "just".

THIS is one of the major safety issues I see in the industry.

I have nothing against the fancy, the d0-dads, the "SHINE". but when it takes a front seat to safe, your ass should be parked as a dangerous driver.

CSA2010 will remove these drivers from the road. Those 4 tires alone will get that guy 36 out of a possible 100 points.

You can be sure there are issues that are not as "visible" as these tires are and I noticed them just walking by.

I hate and distrust almost everything I've read about CSA2010. But there will be some good come from it.

We'll get rid of the unsafe driver.

The truck can be fixed, violations corrected, new tires purchased instead of chrome, lights and other shiny shit.

There's not a lot that can be done with drivers and owners with this attitude.

Except parking them.

Thursday, April 1, 2010

What we have here...

What we have here is called, in the industry (this one and just about any other) a "Clusterfuck"

This is the back corner of other the Flying J in Peculiar MO. (Hwy 71 just south of Kansas City) If you enlarge the image and look to the right of the headlights, you will see one (1) open parking spot.
To the left you will see the hood of a red truck and the trailer of another. Niether of these trucks are in parking spots, they are parked in EASY spots, outside of regular parking. NO backing or effort was required, I watched both of these and almost every truck in this image park.

The "open" spot is virtually impossible to back into or pull into because of the two trucks on the left.

This will not keep trucks from trying. Truck after truck. The "drivers" will pull up, maybe even set up, then see the angles, the space, recognize the space needed for the tractor to swing and leave. Can't. Be. Done.

This guy tries it, sets up, looks at it and moves on. He finds a spot around the corner up against the building. There's more room up there and he still had a fight on his hands. Honestly, had this spot in the rear been usable, he probably should not have tried it. (not that good) Backing is an art form. Knowing where the end of a trailer is that is almost 65 feet from you, takes practice. Then there is the part that people forget or don't realize for a long time; the tractor has to go somewhere and CAN'T go over the top of the tractor or trailer next to it. (this is expensive)

The "clusterfuck" happens when a driver that does not realize that either the space is impossible, like this one, or that he or she simply does not have what it take to back into it.

We watched several try it. The cluster of trucks and lights you see above was caused by the white truck on the Left, no, not the trailer, the nose of the USA Truck with marker lights can be seen. He spent 15 whole minutes trying that hole, then somehow got twisted around and into the hole he is now in. He blocked the entire lot for 15 minutes.

Why am I sitting here watching? Operations staff that can't plan loads to save their lives (or the retention) of their drivers. I'm done here.

I was rushed here yesterday afternoon, I had time to get here, but could not park any closer than 10 miles to the DC. I won't park on city streets, ramps or in a place marked "No Trucks" or "No Parking". I didn't have time to legally deliver this load. I went in late.

Remember the CSA2010 regs and the fact that aquired points, for ANYTHING, go against the driver. 100 points and you loose your license. Period. This includes parking tickets.

A broken tail light is 6 points. (oddly, a missing windshield is only 1)

I'm on "Elogs", no way to fudge entries.

Not that I would...



Name this Car...

NO, I don't know what the damn thing is... but I've seen it in books of rare cars.

I'm doing my research, you do yours, maybe we'll figure it out.

Good Luck, the winner gets... (Not a damn thing)


EDIT: you can't just say: "OH! Its a Floosyberg Fluten Snoozer" either, Prove it.
Tuesday, March 23, 2010

New Website Coming - The American Trucker

NO, this will NOT be some kind of Memorial to the "trucker spirit".

In fact it will pretty much be just the opposite.

Ever see the website "peopleofwalmart"? This is the same idea only its about truckers and truck stops, the industry as a whole. (hole?)

I have played a mental game with myself for years as I sit in a truck stop or even at a shipper, "people watching".

OK, I'm not much of a people watcher, I drive a truck because I prefer to NOT be around people.

I digress...

Here's the mental game: Its really simple. Someone walks in to the cafe, drivers room, what ever. YOU decide if you would want that person, (based on appearance) to drive one of your trucks (saying you owned a fleet) and would want that person to present himself to YOUR customers.

Well, we are going to take pictures of some of them, because some are so funny, it hurts.

Sent them to us also, well post them, with all credit due, (or not).

We will include the ragged ass whores that slither around truck stops and rest areas as well as some of the wrecks we run into. The wrecks caused by the stupid gene.

Just getting started, still working on the back end some, but enjoy it anyway.

Follow us on twitter as @theamericantrkr

Email your pictures to trucker (at) theamericantrucker dot (com)


Wednesday, March 17, 2010

Chicken Pulp and Dispatchers

This is Bar S, Clinton OK.

Not a bad place to unload all in all, friendly folk and lots of room. Can't ask for a lot more than that.

The story of what it took to get there is a different one, not quite so nice. In fact it put me into a stress overload that left me almost unable to speak. (Silence is the sign that I'm about as dangerous as I can get)

This trip paid 721 miles plus a deadhead from Robert LA. I sat for almost 3 days waiting for this load to come about in Hazelhurst MS. Scheduled for a 6PM, I showed up early (as usual) and got it on and was GONE by 4PM. It made me wonder if I could have got it 3 days early.

Dispatchers, even those that "used" to drive a truck, have NO business telling anyone how to drive their runs. They certainly have no business telling a 21 year driver that "IF" they had gone beyond their limits, they would have got the delivery done on time. I determine my limits, not someone that sleeps in a house or apartment every night. I'm out of bed every morning, (EVERY MORNING) by 5 AM. I'm done driving by midnight.

Truth of the matter is very simple, the load never had the hours written into it to be on time. I called the receiver and made the proper arrangements. Customer service HATES that here, you are "going over their heads.." (tough shit, amateurs)

I'll be taking this issue to the safety people, but I expect little satisfaction.

The up side? I pretty much only need to make a phone call, to switch jobs, even in this climate. I'm looking at my options, as of NOW.


Chicken Pulp? That's what I was hauling, 20 bins of "pulp" that is used to make cold cuts, hot dogs, etc. I almost sat overnight with this LATE load, because they didn't need it.
Saturday, March 13, 2010

Today, I hate truckers...

It's not an everyday thing and most of the time its specific companies that I hate, for specific reasons.

Today is a shitty day to start with, on a shitty run, to a shitty place. WalMart.

I hate to deliver to a WalMart distro more than just about anyplace in America. The reasons are just to numerous to list.

Ever notice that there are a couple of companies that seem to hire ONLY those drivers that are completely full of them selves? You pull into a truck stop to fuel and have to wait behind one of them while they take a shower, eat their dinner or just generally fuck off? Sometimes these people are parked in a place that is NOT a parking area, in fact sometimes it is an out right danger to people for them to be there? But there they sit, as close to the doors of the truck stop as they can get.

Why? They believe themselves to be important, in a hurry or they are just to lazy and useless to walk more than they have to.

There are two companies that instantly come to mind for most of us: Covenant and US Express.

Today I pulled into the WalMart DC (#6057) in Robert LA to deliver a load of spuds. If you deliver Walmart, you know how they are set up. Produce is amost always closest to the CTO. I was given door 307, about 7 doors down.

This is what was waiting.

US Express, parked right across the produce doors. There was a line of inbound reefers behind me too. He is inside somewhere, more than likely in the drivers lounge as he was NOT in the CTO. My door was slightly to the right, meaning I could just miss his dumb ass and back in. (He had to back up to move away from me, that's how close it was)

I was amused to notice THIS:

A trainer... supposedly the "best" they have... I believe it and I believe this is where the rest of these "drivers "learn" their habits.

Just so we are CLEAR, I'm sending a link to this post to US Express's HR people...


So you don't mistake this for a fluke or a one time event...

He left and went to the other end of the yard to find a trailer, then he came back to get his paperwork or take one more shot at impressing the females in the CTO.

Wanna guess where he parked? With guys "trying" to back into these doors? The trailer visible just over his hood is mine. (We are forced to drop these trailers at Walmart as they OPENLY do not trust us.)

After he came back out of the building, he and a buddy stood there by his tractor, with people waiting, and "talked" for more than 10 minutes. Standing three feet apart, they yelled at each other.

Typical of this company's drivers.

Hope to see you on your roof on I12, asshole.


Post Script: As i tried to leave this DC, at the gate I was verbally attacked by an "in house" driver for Walmart, (Swift) I was not in the right exit lane. Instead of asking, he just started screaming. Oddly, invited to get his fat ass out of his truck, only made him scream louder. I blocked his exit from the gate for as long as I could, just to hear him scream. Yes, I'm an asshole, but "I" freely admit it, you don't have to like it.
(Added 12 hours later)

About Me

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Terry Smelser
American Trucker, Techno-Sapien, Father, Grandfather, Husband, Conservative and RightWing NutJob. Long distance marksman and Gun NUT. Its worth dieing for...
View my complete profile

About this site

I've closed down Inn From the Night. (for now). There were several problems with my host, with the registrar, with the author...
OK, I was just getting tired of it, I've used the domain for years, I MEAN YEARS. it was originally a BBS running on an old 486 in the corner of my office, until it became my Domain.

I've decided to break things up a bit, a lot of the specific things, trucks, politics, other interests, blah blah blah, will be here at blogger, with a new personal site to come in the next couple of days.

Stay tuned


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